i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
