Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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