Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
