1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
