so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
