im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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