their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
