you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
