He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
