i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
