i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
