Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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