Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone came in the potted fern
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
where are my eyebrows?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
