Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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