Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
