that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
