He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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