addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
