i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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