I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
