My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
