Me. At least after what I've been through.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
