I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think my vagina is haunted
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
