he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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