I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
