took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
