never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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