You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
