Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
