I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
