You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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