I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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