how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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