either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
