go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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