I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
