My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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