You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
