I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
