turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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