some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wear drunk well.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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