Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
