OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
