Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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