A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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