she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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