Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
