Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
