no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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