I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I smell like Dick and happiness
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
