Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
