apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
