some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
