did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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