Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
