Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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