all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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