I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
