Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
