Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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